Professor Rogue’s Words of Wisdom on Citations for College Essays

11017610_439207669561918_657049086_nIf you don’t know this already, trust me – citations for your college essays are one of the most important elements of writing top-notch papers that will get you an A grade. Indeed, many professors, especially in English and the Humanities are incredibly nitpicky about citations for college essays, and will even dock large numbers of points for even the most minor errors in citation systems. If you’re worried about, or struggling with the implementation of a given citation style, you might just want to buy a custom essay, and leave that work to a professional. That said, however, and without writing an actual guide to writing citations for college essays, I’m going to provide you with a few tricks that might make your life, as it pertains to citations, much easier. I’m going to discuss MLA, Chicago, and APA citations, and I’m going to tell you why APA citations are the best when you’re writing a college essay.

Let’s get started with MLA citations – they are the bane of many undergraduates’ existence. Most commonly used in English literature classes as well in Humanities disciplines like History; MLA citations are based on what’s called a parenthetical system. That means that, after you list information which you found in a text, you should write something that looks a little bit like what will go right before this sentence’s period (Rogue, 1). In this case, let’s pretend that Rogue is my last name, and that 1 is the page number that this sentence is written on. What you’re basically doing, in making this type of citation, is saying that you got the information in the sentence or group of sentences preceding it on page 1 of an author with the surname Rogue. That’s pretty simple. The only problem with this system, and which drives me up a wall, is the need for page numbers. With MLA citations, you have to always note the page which you got your information from. That can be a real pain after you’ve read through a book, and forgot to flag the page which you got the information off of. But, if you’re forced to use MLA style for your college essay citations, you’re shit out of luck.

Moving forward to the Chicago style, it’s pretty similar to MLA, but actually has two variants. The first of these is called the footnote variant, and means that, instead of using a set of parentheses when citing your information, you use a footnote, and then place the bibliographic entry for the book or article you’re citing in the footnote. Like with MLA, you then add the page number to the end of the citation in the footnote. On the other hand, another variant of Chicago style is the author-date system. In this variant, you’re going to do something very similar to MLA by creating a set of parentheses like the one I showed you above for MLA (Rogue, 2015, 2). Evidently, Rogue is once again the surname of the author, the 2 is a reference to the page you found the information on, and 2015 refers to the year in which the work you’re citing was published. So, basically, it’s like MLA style with the added pain-in-the-ass of having to also find the year in which the work you’re citing was published. But, given that a lot of professors are assholes when it comes to college essay citations, make sure to check with your professor, if it’s not specified, as to whether they’re looking for the footnote or author-date variant.

Finally, the power and the glory of the APA system come out! I love APA parenthetical citations. Look at the end of this sentence (Rogue, 2015). That’s it – the author’s surname and the year in which the work was published. As you might be able to tell, APA is my favorite style for college essay citations. It’s simple, straightforward, and doesn’t require you to go back and find the damn page number that you’re referencing unless you’re making use of a direct quote, “in which case, your citation will look like the one which comes at the end of this sentence (Rogue, 2015: 3). APA is awesome. If you haven’t had time to read a book for your class, but you have access to a summary of it, use APA. Since you won’t need to use page numbers, you can get away with a skim of the book as you won’t have to actually know in which parts of the book the author says which things. While this might be dangerous in an upper-level class, where you might actually have to talk to your professor about your paper, it’s an easy-breezy way to make your life simpler in a large and low-level class.

If you need help with an essay or term paper post your project on unemployed professors today!

Deleuzienne’s tips for college term paper writing


A while back, my colleague Professor Rogue noted, astutely, that you can’t really beat TurnitIn.com – it’s like death and taxes. Like death and taxes, term paper season has come upon us once again, leaving many a student to ask, “How can I beat TurnItIn? How can I write an awesome, A+ paper? How can I get an A on this paper?”

Since I taught college for so many years, I wanted to use this blog post to offer my best tips for paper writing. When I teach, if my students do these things, they generally get an A: this is basically how to get an A paper in Deleuzienne’s class.

 

  1. Sources. Half the battle is having good backup troops, right? You need good sources. Your professor probably has a tattoo on his ugly mug saying “NO WIKIPEDIA,” but beyond that, don’t use content farms like eHow, HowStuffWorks, etc. If the site pays anyone to write “content” – with one notable exception – it’s not a good source. Sometimes the only way to do it is to man up and delve into the library, that moldy, dusty building where the nerds hang out (and occasionally, where they film the porn). Sometimes you just need to log on. Those databases cost a fortune and that’s where about .001% of your tuition goes to, so make friends with them. EBSCOhost, JSTOR, PsychOnline, whatever. If it’s not published in a peer-review journal, don’t bother. The good news: You can often get the gist of an article from the “abstract,” a brief summary that appears at the beginning of the article. Sometimes that’s all you really need to read!
  2. Citations. Sometimes, the most important part of an assignment isn’t what you have to say or how you say it: it’s your adherence to whatever obscure style reminds your professor of his glory days in the Ivy League. Lots of professors might only care about how well you cite sources and whether you get the commas and periods and dashes and italics right in the works cited. However, do not despair. There are numerous options for creating perfect citations. One is to ask for some help. Another is to use an auto citation generator, like EasyBib.com.  Finally, some word processors even have citation management tools.
  3.  A strong thesis. In general, what you argue is less important than how you argue it, but to get an A paper, your professor should know exactly what you argue in the paper. Some students seem afraid to argue anything they think the professor will disagree with. While we all love to have our egos stroked this way – it is why we became professors – it doesn’t really matter.
  4. Good structure. This sounds like a no-brainer, but the students who get A’s in my classes don’t reinvent the wheel. Intro, main points, conclusion and out. No meandering, no digressions, no FDA-approved textual filler.
  5. Good use of sources. This might be the hardest. You need to use your troops strategically, right? So deploy them in a strategic way. Have front line sources, backup sources, mechanical robot with machine gun sources that take out your opponent. Massage them in with a rhetorical flourish that would make Derrida giggle. And all professors can spot gratuitous quotes from a mile away, so don’t do that.
  6. Good writing. This is easier said than done (or written, I suppose), and I know that it’s difficult for many people – it’s why you might want to get help. Often, universities will have a writing center where the nice employees will read over your paper and offer suggestions (though they seldom offer proofreading). I can’t speak for all of my colleagues, and I’m no grammar Nazi. If a paper is good overall, I can look the other way for some misused commas or a couple typos. But then again, if your writing has so many errors I can’t figure out what you mean, we have an issue, because I will always assume you mean the dumbest possible option.
  7. Nice presentation throughout. If I want to put on gloves and scrub with Purell before touching your paper, it doesn’t bode well for my general disposition as I read. Clean paper, clean printing, and professional formatting all go a long way.
  8. Stay in contact with your professor. Your professor rarely leaves the house and has no friends, so he or she anxiously awaits your emails. All right, maybe that’s a big of an exaggeration, but run some ideas by him or her. Take note of the comments. Do what he or she or he says, since they’re the one grading you.

 

Of course, a Benjamin discretely paper-clipped to the last page doesn’t hurt, either, but nobody’s tried that in any of my classes. Yet. And if you’re spending big on bribing the professor, why not hedge your bet and have a pro help you out?

Is Buying a Term Paper Unethical?

buying a term paper
You’re sure as shit right it is; there’s nothing ethical about buying a term paper, and there sure as hell isn’t anything ethical about having an unemployed or underemployed professor write one for you.

That said, there’s a perverse logic to buying a term paper from a purveyor like this one. Look at it this way – the MBAs, PhDs and other graduate-degree holding ninjas who work for us were given one promise when they entered their programs – “son, you’re not going to have any trouble finding a job when you get out of here.” Let’s face it – that was a load of bull. While there’s certainly a case to be made that the American and Canadian academies overproduce PhDs (and they do), this pernicious dynamic is also beginning to spread down into undergraduate education.

You know what that means? You don’t just need good grades to succeed anymore; that ain’t going to cut it. You’re going to need connections, a network, and the type of padded resume that you probably won’t have the time to build if you spend your time writing papers that are intended, for all intents and purposes, to be nothing more than busy work. That’s where the unemployed professors come in. When you buy a term paper from us, you can be certain that you’re getting A-level material, and that you’re not going to have waste ten hours cranking out twelve pages. Instead, you’ll pay some dollars, while partying or building that all important network and you’ll have your term paper, custom written, deposited in your account prior to your due date.

Most importantly, buying a custom term paper will free up your time. Some of you have it made, and will be able to spend that time partying until you puke, as your networks are probably already complete. For others, though, you’ll spend the time that you’ve saved becoming a commodity, by building up that network, and getting your nose as brown as you possibly can. Because, let’s face it, the same way that we’re transforming education into a commodity, you need to become one if you’re going to succeed outside of school. Given that you can only be in three places at a time, rather than six, you need to build that network, turn yourself into a commodity, and play the game that the commercial-university complex wants you to. Yeah, it’s unethical, but so is the university system, built on corruption and false promises of employability, that you’re working in today. If your football coach makes more than your family members’ combined incomes, you’ll sure as shit understand what we’re talking about.