Professor Rogue’s Words of Wisdom on Citations for College Essays

11017610_439207669561918_657049086_nIf you don’t know this already, trust me – citations for your college essays are one of the most important elements of writing top-notch papers that will get you an A grade. Indeed, many professors, especially in English and the Humanities are incredibly nitpicky about citations for college essays, and will even dock large numbers of points for even the most minor errors in citation systems. If you’re worried about, or struggling with the implementation of a given citation style, you might just want to buy a custom essay, and leave that work to a professional. That said, however, and without writing an actual guide to writing citations for college essays, I’m going to provide you with a few tricks that might make your life, as it pertains to citations, much easier. I’m going to discuss MLA, Chicago, and APA citations, and I’m going to tell you why APA citations are the best when you’re writing a college essay.

Let’s get started with MLA citations – they are the bane of many undergraduates’ existence. Most commonly used in English literature classes as well in Humanities disciplines like History; MLA citations are based on what’s called a parenthetical system. That means that, after you list information which you found in a text, you should write something that looks a little bit like what will go right before this sentence’s period (Rogue, 1). In this case, let’s pretend that Rogue is my last name, and that 1 is the page number that this sentence is written on. What you’re basically doing, in making this type of citation, is saying that you got the information in the sentence or group of sentences preceding it on page 1 of an author with the surname Rogue. That’s pretty simple. The only problem with this system, and which drives me up a wall, is the need for page numbers. With MLA citations, you have to always note the page which you got your information from. That can be a real pain after you’ve read through a book, and forgot to flag the page which you got the information off of. But, if you’re forced to use MLA style for your college essay citations, you’re shit out of luck.

Moving forward to the Chicago style, it’s pretty similar to MLA, but actually has two variants. The first of these is called the footnote variant, and means that, instead of using a set of parentheses when citing your information, you use a footnote, and then place the bibliographic entry for the book or article you’re citing in the footnote. Like with MLA, you then add the page number to the end of the citation in the footnote. On the other hand, another variant of Chicago style is the author-date system. In this variant, you’re going to do something very similar to MLA by creating a set of parentheses like the one I showed you above for MLA (Rogue, 2015, 2). Evidently, Rogue is once again the surname of the author, the 2 is a reference to the page you found the information on, and 2015 refers to the year in which the work you’re citing was published. So, basically, it’s like MLA style with the added pain-in-the-ass of having to also find the year in which the work you’re citing was published. But, given that a lot of professors are assholes when it comes to college essay citations, make sure to check with your professor, if it’s not specified, as to whether they’re looking for the footnote or author-date variant.

Finally, the power and the glory of the APA system come out! I love APA parenthetical citations. Look at the end of this sentence (Rogue, 2015). That’s it – the author’s surname and the year in which the work was published. As you might be able to tell, APA is my favorite style for college essay citations. It’s simple, straightforward, and doesn’t require you to go back and find the damn page number that you’re referencing unless you’re making use of a direct quote, “in which case, your citation will look like the one which comes at the end of this sentence (Rogue, 2015: 3). APA is awesome. If you haven’t had time to read a book for your class, but you have access to a summary of it, use APA. Since you won’t need to use page numbers, you can get away with a skim of the book as you won’t have to actually know in which parts of the book the author says which things. While this might be dangerous in an upper-level class, where you might actually have to talk to your professor about your paper, it’s an easy-breezy way to make your life simpler in a large and low-level class.

If you need help with an essay or term paper post your project on unemployed professors today!

Rogue Commentary: On the Nobility of Whistleblowing

Recent revelations by Edward Snowden, former NSA contractor come whistleblower, are deeply disturbing vis-à-vis the continued legitimacy of American democracy. While the War on Terror has most certainly created a context in which Americans are increasingly willing to make sacrifices in the name of ostensible security; the scope of the information collected by the NSA defies belief. What is perhaps most surprising, in a political context where both the right and left wings of the domestic political spectrum are increasingly clamoring for constitutional rights, from those pertaining to guns to those pertaining to abortion, is the fact that public outcry regarding this surveillance has been minimal. Indeed, some polls have shown that a majority of Americans support the continuation of this surveillance, in spite of the Fourth Amendment, as long as it provides them with this all-too-quixotic notion of security.

Back when I used to teach, it was important for me to emphasize to my students that a significant difference exists between “procedural” and “substantive” democracy. The former, premised on little more than the holding of elections and the relative freedom of the act of voting itself, represents something that we all take for granted, and which does not truly embody the egalitarianism and ethical governance which we must associate with democracy. Rather, true substantive democracy is somewhat akin to a vessel, in which rights, themselves derived from the social contract, are provided to all, regardless of subjectivity, and held as absolute standards beyond which government cannot and should not stray. If this is indeed what democracy should be, and there is no indication to suggest that it should not aspire to this, America has failed.

From the questionable invasion of Iraq which occurred under Bush 43 in 2003, to the targeted extra-judicial assassinations which have been embraced by President Obama in the current day, this ongoing NSA surveillance is nothing but an additional nail in the coffin of substantive and substantial American democracy. In this context, what is even more surprising is the lack of outcry on the part of the people. If a nation is made up of nothing more than sheep, blindly following the lead of an unknown and unknowable vector promising security; how is it possible for critical or rational thought to take place? Indeed, America is adrift. In the first episode of Aaron Sorkin’s television program “The Newsroom,” protagonist Will McAvoy, played by Jeff Daniels, cries out that “America is not the greatest country in the world… but it can be.” Based on the mass’ recent response to these revelations about government spying, America’s potential is no longer clear. How can a nation be great if it does not aspire to see the Constitutional protections afforded to it by its own founding documents respected by its government?

Beyond this, the scorn which has been reserved for Snowden himself, from cries of treason to calls for his death, are anathema to the spirit of democracy, and to the tradition of whistleblowing, emblematized by men like Bernstein, Woodward, Manning and Ellsberg, which lay at the core of recent American history. With the American government having taken significant and dubious action from the period right prior to the Vietnam War until the current day, American is dependent upon whistleblowers, and the Fourth Estate more broadly, so as to ensure that its government officials are held to account. With the Presidency becoming more imperial every single day, men like Snowden are necessary if America’s democracy is to be more than procedural.

In the end, America may very well have lost its way. Adrift in a War on Terror with no clear endgame, killing its own citizens via drone strikes, and now spying on its own citizens, the idea of America has clearly become more than the sum of its parts.

Getting Ready for a New Semester: Rogue Style

With the dreadful misery of a new semester of busy work approaching you, and with the allure of our custom essays already ringing throughout the halls of your Soviet-style concrete classroom building, it’s time to get ready for what the new semester’s gonna bring. This is how you prep for a semester, Rogue style…

  • STRATEGIC SYLLABUS READING (AKA How to Pick Classes): When you’re considering which classes to pick for semester, you have two options. In figuring out which option is right for you, I’d strongly recommend checking out as many syllabi (yes, this is the plural of the word “syllabus” rather than the name of a part of the female reproductive system) as your beer-soaked liver will allow you to. More often than not, different university departments will store old syllabi on their websites. What you’ve got to do, lady or lord, is pick through these syllabi and look for one of two patterns.
    • Pattern One: EXAMS ALL THE WAY – on the one hand, you can look for classes that don’t have any essays or other significant pieces of written work. As you know, if you’ve got a few semesters underneath your belt, is that these are far more common in the hard sciences than in the softer ones. So, for one, you might just not be able to pick this option if you’re majoring in something awesome-sauce such as Sociology. On the other hand, even if you pick this option, failing the exam’s a quick way to a slow and painful academic death. So, if you’re not sure about what the right path might be, or if you’ve got mad skills in a given subject, this might not the pathway for you, even if you do suck at writing.
    • Pattern Two: OUTSOURCE YOUR ESSAYS – On the other hand, you can look for syllabi that are writing heavy. If you’ve got the fliff and moral compunction to have us write custom essays for you, this might be the righteous path for you. Look for syllabi that are heavy on writing, and that are complemented with quizzes. These quizzes are likely to be easy-peazy and won’t challenge you more than one of the early levels of Mario-Kart. If you really do suck at writing, you can just outsource your essays to our capable hands (Rogue Squadron, WHAT!), and not worry about your grade one bit.
    • GET MAD INTEL: This might seem flipping obvious but, talk to your roommates, fuckbuddies, lab mates, and other good old pals. Find out which of the profs you can choose from seem like decent human beings, and which ones are atrocious monsters. This is really the only way to ensure that your classroom experiences, for the semester, aren’t tainted by the pernicious blight of an academic so blighted by his or her majestic robes (or tweed) that you become the pawn in a sick game of “you’re my bitch.” Choose wisely, grasshopper, or you might suffer dramatically.
    •  LOG ON EARLY (and get off fast (couldn’t help myself): Make sure to get online right at the start of your registration window. While you might be able to pick up some worth sloppy seconds midway through the registration period, most of your chums are going to be running the same game plan as you. In the old days, when I had to register for classes, you had to key in classes, over the phone, based on a course schedule as big as a telephone book. So, don’t worry – you’ve got it good. That said, take advantage of the good times, cool-ass technology, and register early.
    • Week One Scouting: Finally, in seeking to optimize your possible course choices, attend as many classes as you can during you first week of classes. If you’re wondering how to pick your classes, this is great way to go about it. By course-hopping like this, you can figure out whether or not a prof with a hard-ass syllabus is a sweetheart, and whether the pain of the class might be less than you think, or whether a prof who seems to be offering a sweet ride is instead a terror. Thus, by attending multiple classes during the first week, even if you’re not registered, you can find the gold in a turd mine, and vice-versa.

How to Study for Midterms

Given that you’re on a custom essay site, you’re either struggling with the academic portions of your life or just overwhelmed to the point where you’re imbibing Red Bull by the case, and staring at your University’s meme page or Texts From Last Night, in utter disbelief, and wondering what you’ve done to deserve this purgatorial state. It’s midterm season – fuck.

The question that emerges here is how to maximize your returns (yeah, economist lingo FTW) on the basis of simultaneously exorcising your academic demons, not wasting time, and temporarily allocating portions of your mind better suited to drinking, thinking about drinking, fucking, and/or thinking about fucking to course material that you don’t give a shit about.

Yeah, I was an undergrad once. The problem here is that you can’t treat a midterm like a custom essay. You can’t hire me to ghostwrite the shit out of it because, unfortunately, I can’t wear your skin as a mask without doing serious damage to one of the appendages that will hopefully keep you well fucked and/or well inebriated. That said, I humbly you offer these study tips – which got me through an Ivy League BA and MA while well fucked and inebriated.

Take cues from your Prof

I, like many other professors, have this horrible tendency to be overly emphatic about pieces of material that will be on the test. If you attend class, and you notice that your professor is mentioning a certain phenomenon multiple times, and even linking it to other phenomena, you can be sure as shit that it will be on the test.

Study strategically

With the above in mind, especially if you’re in a time crunch, make sure that you focus on those elements that your professor has focused on. It might seem too obvious but so many people suck at taking tests because they want to memorize everything that’s in the lectures, readings, and tea leaves. DON’T FUCKING DO IT!

Type it up

This will be your biggest time suck but you will not regret it. First, type up your notes! Yeah, type them up! This will do three things for you. First, it will trigger those phenomena mentioned in number one that your prof kept going over and over in class and allow you to focus on them. Second, it will allow you to skim the material that’s not crucial to the class but that might show up on a multiple choice question or help you fill in an essay with fluff. Third, it will allow you to figure out what you really need to be spending time on.

Type it up again

Move on to your textbooks and readings. Assuming that you’re not a fool, you’ve highlighted stuff. Type up everything (ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING) that you’ve highlighted! This will allow you to replicate what you did for your notes with your readings. Rinse and repeat.

Read it, over and over, and over….

Now that you’ve got all of this crap typed up, read it over and over and over till your balls are blue. As you do this, highlight what’s most important (YES, I’M ADVISING YOU TO HIGHLIGHT YOUR PREVIOUS HIGHLIGHTING). This will allow you to focus even more significantly on key concepts while skimming the fluff. Third time around, underline the most crucial highlighted bits with a pen. Keep doing this until you run out of writing instruments for providing different annotations. Now you’re studying smart.

Maximize your returns

With all this done, you’ve got to know when to stop studying. Seriously, it’s crucial that you sleep before the test. Do not fucking cram until seven AM and then rush to school! No! Go to bed when you feel like you’re getting confused. You’ll hit a point where, the more you study, the more you’ll feel like you’re losing grip on the material (YOU’RE NOT!) Go to bed then. Diddle yourself, have a smoke, whatever! Stop studying! You’ll remember the stuff that you think you’ll forget in the morning (Seriously, it will be crystal clear!)

Show up and rock out!

Take the test. Then hire me to write your next custom essay. Seriously, I rock – and I’m funny too.

How to Beat Turnitin.com

HOW TO BEAT TURNITIN

That got your attention, didn’t it? Yeah, universities are increasingly using TURNITIN so as to catch what they call plagiarism. A lot of message boards and Ehow articles out there are telling you that you can beat TURNITIN by doing weird stuff with macros in word, by adding random letters or punctuation to sentences, or by sacrificing a baby goat over the altar of your favorite copy-pasting mouse. I hate to break it to you, but that’s a bunch of horse shit.

When I teach, I use TURNITIN. I used TURNITIN when I was a graduate student, and a TA. The software, and its algorithms, are foolproof and constantly updated. You cannot beat TURNITIN using conventional methods. It analyzes the raw data underlying the assignment you turn it, and can totally see through any of the lame manipulations that are recommended on the Interwebs. If you copy-paste, you are honest-to-god screwed.

Let me tell you a bit about what TURNITIN looks like from the inside, and why you can’t beat it. When I open TURNITIN, I see the names of all the students in my class. The filenames that they uploaded are next to their names, followed by an originality measure, and a bar that’s either green, yellow, or red. (DUDE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN IT TURNS RED? THAT’S SOME OMINIOUS STUFF). That’s TURNITIN matching the text that you submitted (forget about the macros – I’ve tried it myself – it does not work) with everything in its database.

If you copy a Wikipedia article into TURNITIN, it will come in as somewhere around 100% plagiarized. If you copy-paste 25% of your essay, it will come back as around 25% unoriginal. That gigantic block of text that you copied? Your prof will see it highlighted in glorious color on his or her computer monitor. Oh wait, did you chop up the text, and add a word here or there? Nope TURNITIN will catch that too. If your essay gets a little yellow line next to it, you’re pretty much fucked. Let me put it simply – you do not want to fuck with TURNITIN. It will fuck you. It is impossible to beat TURNITIN. It’s like death and taxes…

While I speak the truth above, this is obviously self-serving. Myself and my fellow Unemployed Professors write custom essays for a living. What does that mean? Well, TURNITIN is awesome for us. The only real way to beat TURNITIN is to write your own stuff. The fact of the matter is that a lot of college students out there, whether English is their second language, or whether they’re in a science program and don’t give a goddamn about their English and Humanities classes, can’t or don’t want to write lame essays. These guys and gals need us. Because you know what? The only way to beat TURNITIN, if you don’t have the time or skills to write an A paper, is to hire an Unemployed Professor like me.

With that, I Professor Rogue am officially declaring April of 2012 to be BEAT TURNITIN month. If I bid on your project, and you mention BEAT TURNITIN month on the message board, I will knock 10% off my quoted rate.

So let’s sing and dance together – and BEAT TURNITIN!

ZEN AND THE ART OF ESSAY WRITING!

Despite the fact that I write custom essays, to supplement my income, I’m still an educator. As such, I’m writing today to provide you budding scholars with some awesome-sauce essay writing tips. For what it’s worth, one of my custom essays would most certainly kick the ass of anything that you could produce (go on – buy an essay). Nevertheless, here a few essay writing tips to tide you over until you can feel the glory of buying a custom essay.

  • Tip Number One: Make Procrastination Your Friend! It’s inevitable; we all procrastinate. What you need to do, and this happens all the time when I’m writing custom essays and my own shit, is to harness those bursts of inspiration and of clarity that come to you among the hours of Facebooking, diddling, and drinking that make up your procrastination. As soon as you have an idea, keep writing until you can’t write anymore. Even if half of what you are producing won’t make the final cut, it’s worth it – you’re going to fill your essay volume a lot faster this way. I often procrastinate for an hour, and then write two to three pages in a half hour. That’s just the way that our brains work. So optimize your brain, and if you’re not going to buy a custom essay, don’t waste a knowledge bomb when your mind blows it up. Write until you can’t write no more.
  • Tip Number Two: Write your introduction and your conclusion FIRST! When you’re writing an essay, you have to know what the fuck you plan on writing about in the piece. There’s no point in staring at a blank page for hours upon hours, diddling yourself, and Facebook stalking your latest crush. Rather, figure out what the fuck you’re going to write about, and crank out an introduction, and a conclusion. I guarantee you that it will be easier to fill in the middle, if you have the intro and conclusion done at the start. That’s how the pros do it, whether they’re writing for their own academic purposes, or selling you a custom essay.
  • Tip Number Three: Carry a pen and paper at all times during essay writing season! You never know when you’re going to get a good idea for your essay (buying a custom essay is a lot easier mind you). As such, you have to capitalize on inspiration when a knowledge bomb hits you out of the blue. I carry a pen and a Moleskine notepad everywhere I go. If I have an idea, I jot it down immediately, whether it be for my own work, or for a custom essay that I might be working on. That way, all of my knowledge bombs are capitalized upon, and I spend less time procrastinating between the aforementioned bursts.
  • Tip Number Four: If your essay requires a lot of reading, be a pro in two ways! One: If you can’t read all of the articles and books that you need to cite, in their entirety, read the introductions, theory sections, methods sections, and conclusions. Forget about the empirics or the meat of the paper. It will all be repeated in the conclusion. Two: READ ALL THE TIME. If you’re at the bus stop, read. If you’re walking down the street, read. Do not take extensive notes until you’re done reading the book. Otherwise, you’ll have too much garbage, and no substance.

I hope that these essay writing tips help you out if you’re currently in a quagmire. If all else fails, come to unemployedprofessors.com, and buy yourself a custom essay. Look out for me – Professor Rogue – I guarantee that I will drop a PhD level knowledge bomb on your work.

P.S. I DON’T PROOFREAD MY BLOG POSTS. Shakkkabooom!

On Plagiarism and Other Stupidity…

Whence Academic Misconduct? Tis the question. I often ponder the ethical implications of plagiarism, and my night job here. At first, I felt a little bad about what I was doing; writing custom papers; doing others’ homework; all the while writing my own dissertation. Not for nothing, my dissertation probably took an extra six to nine months because of this gig. Those were, however, the glory days of the post-9/11 boom, when those of us researching national defense and terrorism were granted an almost infinite stay in the windowless offices of the “grad student section” of our office buildings.

So there I am, plugging away on this dissertation, and writing custom essays on subjects as varied as Trans-Cultural Nursing, the racial correlates of inter-city criminality, and the symbolism of Canada in David Foster Wallace’s “Infinite Jest.” What the fuck was I doing? Here I am – contributing something novel to high-level scholarship, to human knowledge, all the while acting as a hired gun, paid by the page, to write custom papers. Then, it hit me, plagiarism rules, in college, are a joke. When I was a grad student, teaching perhaps my third or fourth class ever, I discovered that 8 of my 29 students had copied their answers from Wikipedia on a take-home exam.

Ontologically, I was confused. Here I am writing custom essays and I’m about to bust some dumbass kids for cheating. And I did! All 8 of those kids got Fs for the class and were put on academic probation. Reread that last sentence. “PUT ON ACADEMIC PROBATION.” Relieved that my own hypocrisy was vindicated by a student-biased plagiarism policy, I resolved to never again deal with the Academic Misconduct board. From then on, if I ever caught a student teaching, I’d do everything within my power to make the student fail, and fail miserably, through my own glorious powers of grading.

But back to the issue at hand here. How did I reconcile my semester-long plagiarism “crackdown” with my side gig? With ease in the end… Aside from the whole education being a commodity point that I touched on in an earlier post (thanks for the hate mail, babe), I kind of figured out that if someone was clever/insidious enough to cheat without getting busted, they actually did deserve their pass. A lot goes in to busting a cheater; writing the fucking report itself can take upwards of 4-6 hours. What’s the goddamn point when the punishment is ACADEMIC PROBATION?  So, have your essay written by a professional, oh my dear international engineering student who can build a bridge, but can’t write a coherent sentence in English! When your professor asks you how you wrote the piece, reply “Yes I did. Thank you. Have a nice day.” Your school is selling you out. If you’re buying when the market’s hot, make your life simpler, and just buy your goddamn papers. I can’t feel nothing but the winds blowing any more. I pay special and extra attention to those of my students who show promise, and might want to go to grad school. For the rest of them, pass or fail, just don’t be obvious in getting your A/B/C/D/F. And don’t fuck me over.


I’m a Good Little Academic Prostitute!

Let’s face it – I’m an academic prostitute, a whore one might say. I don’t suck phalluses for money, nor at all for that matter, but I do sell my body every time I write a custom college essay. Am I being provocative? Yeah. Am I trying to optimize this web site’s page position on Google? Hell yeah. I’m an academic ghostwriter – I’m a whore, I sell custom papers. That’s it; that’s all. But how I feel about this proverbial whoredom? In all likelihood, much better than an actual real life prostitute does. When I write a custom essay, I’m selling my cognitive function, my ability to regurgitate complex information in a coherent way. Thinking of it in that way, I’m more of a high-class escort than a street hooker. I have multiple graduate degree, and thus provide a high end custom essay service.  With that, I feel a certain degree of cockiness as people pay me to do their homework.

A pervasive anonymity underlies this side job of mine, just like a hooker might hold down a day job, and supplement her income by using her “bodily talents.” That said, I’m just using a difficult faculty, a more cognate one to say the least, when I write custom college essays instead of licking scrotums. Nonetheless, the logic is the same, via analogy. I’m selling myself, more often than not to the highest bidder, purely for thrill and money. I learn things that I didn’t previously know writing custom essays, but deep down I’m a whore. I actually recently read a book about high end prostitutes and learned about something called the Girlfriend Experience. Essentially, men who cannot maintain a relationship, or something, pay hookers to act like their girlfriends. Without getting too graphic, these “girlfriend” whores will do things that other whores won’t do, like kissing their clients on the mouth. The analogy between my academic ghostwriting and my whoredom continues even there. I don’t just write custom essays for people; I also support them, to an extent. Like a good Girlfriend Experience hooker, I’m there for that late night revision request, or to provide reassuring words that an exam or paper will go well. I don’t just do my clients’ homework; I do them. I’m a whore; a dirty slut. You can quote me on that.

“Don’t Hate Da Playa; Hate Da Game”

As I mentioned in my previous post, we do get a fair bit of hate mail here at Unemployed Professors. “Custom essay writing is immoral you jackass!” “Students won’t graduate if they pay someone to write their essays!” I’ve heard it all once, and I’ll hear it all again. As an academic who has a relatively good position at a top-flight University, one might ask me why the hell I’m writing custom papers, and how I can possibly rationalize being an academic ghostwriter. Let’s step back to grad school…

When I was in graduate school myself, it became very apparent that most of my new “colleagues” were from wealthier families, and likely never had to pay a penny for educational expenses in their entire lives. Shit, a few days in, one of them told me that he had bought almost all of his essays throughout his undergrad career. I was bemused by this and asked him where the hell he did that? I then found out about this whole custom essay writing business. The dude basically said: “man, you can just pay someone to write your essays.” I honestly couldn’t believe it for two reasons. First, how the hell did someone who had never even written his own work get into grad school ?(he has a PhD and a tenure track position now btw) Second, considering how much student loan debt I had at that time, I wondered how much writing custom essays paid. I quickly found out that being an academic ghostwriter would go a long way in supplementing my meager teaching stipend, and would help pay off my student loans. That’s how I got started in the custom essay business.

That makes sense – grad students are dirt poor and live like monks. Taking a custom essay writing side-gig made a ton of sense back then. But why, with a damn good income, am I still doing this? The fact of the matter is that academia is rigged. I have a great day job, but I certainly can’t say the same for at least half of my grad school friends and colleagues. The PhD market is over-saturated, with schools admitting too many grad students just so that they can have cheap labor to teach classes. So the market really does have too many Unemployed Professors. Beyond this, education has become a commodity; both Universities at which I have taught have had football coaches making a higher salary than their President. Does that sound right? This is supposed to be higher education, right? So while student tuition is going up, the fat cats in the administration buildings and the heroes of the football field are pocketing mad cash.

Education is a commodity. Ergo, a paper is a commodity as well. We live in a capitalist democratic society where you can buy and sell almost anything. Custom essay writing is legal in almost every jurisdiction (we sure as hell don’t operate where it isn’t) and, with this, there’s no obvious reason why a talented professor can’t get in on “da game.” If the market dictates that the client wants the best possible product, shouldn’t a professor be writing custom academic essays? Considering that I know of at least five other professors who supplement their incomes as academic ghostwriters (two of them tenured), and that according to counsel, this does not violate our employment contracts, it seems that this perception exists in academia itself. My thoughts? Any professor condemning this is either in denial about how far the commoditization of education has gone or a true old school idealist who will soon be replaced by a younger and rabid Unemployed Professor.

Is this all one big cop-out? Does the fact that I write custom essays make me a horrendous person, and an even worse academic/professor? Sure, if that’s what your moral code says! But it’s no more of a cop-out than that which is put forth by the critic who claims that (s)he got through school without ever doing anything like this. Those of us who write custom essays, who call ourselves academic ghostwriters, we do this because there’s a demand for it – and one hell of it at that. What does this reflect? Reality. So, again, “don’t hate da player; hate da game.”

Who are we? Why we’re doing this?

We get our fair share of hate mail here at Unemployed Professors. These e-mails run the gamut from “you are a bunch of immoral jackasses for running a custom essay service,” to “how the hell are these kids going to learn if you’re writing their essays for them.” Despite these, the Unemployed Professors remain undeterred.

For one, a ton of very talented and intelligent students, often in the sciences, need a custom essay for the simple reason that they’re not freaking English majors. Why on Earth does a future engineer, who is going to build bridges in a few years, need to write an analysis of symbolism in James Joyce’s “Ulysses?” That’s why the Unemployed Professors are here – to provide a service so as to allow otherwise smart students to keep their GPA up when dealing with assignments that are beyond their interests.

From another point of view, some students come to the Unemployed Professors for a custom essay because they’re just too damn busy to write it themselves. Students with full time jobs, students who have family commitments, students who have to deal with myriad other issues sometimes just need a professional writer to get their work done, so as to save their GPA, when other things get in the way. The Unemployed Professors are on call twenty-four hours a day and happy to meet any and all custom essay needs.

The third type of student that we see here at Unemployed Professors is the foreign student who simply needs a professional editing job so as to ensure that his or her brilliant thoughts can be accurately conveyed in an academic sense. It’s not easy to write an academic essay in a language other than your native tongue. That’s why the Unemployed Professors are proud to provide a professional editing service, at a much lower cost than that which is associated with a custom essay, to brilliant students who just need a tad bit of polish on their otherwise excellent work.

Finally, the Unemployed Professors are also kept in business by those who see college as being far more than an academic experience. Our motto is “So That You Can Play While We Make Your Papers Go Away” for a very good reason. College is supposed to be fun. If it’s your thing, you’re supposed to get drunk, smoke some reefer, and get laid to your heart’s desire. The Unemployed Professors are happy and proud to improve the college experience of these party hardy students by writing custom essays, providing professional editing services, and completing any other custom academic work that our party fiend clients might need.

In a nutshell, the Unemployed Professors are mercenaries, writing custom essays to increase their incomes, and to provide a valuable service to the types of students listed above. We’re entering a new year and we’re just getting started. To all of those who feel the need to send us hate mail, “Don’t Hate The Player, Hate the Game.”