Introducing one of our newest hires, Professor Fishnet -BA Biology
MA Neuroscience
PhD Sexology – Professor Fishnet, a Doctor of Sexology, will now be starting a bi-monthly love and sex advice column, targeted at you undergrads, and will be happy to publicly respond to any anonymous questions, about love and sex, put forth by our loyal customers and readers at this link

Believe it or not, one of the most frequent questions that I get here, at this glorious custom essay business, is how can I sleep with my professor! It’s kind of odd – I’m this vast repository of academic knowledge, and undergrads, both some that I know, and some that use this site, want to know how to knock boots with their professor or TA. Well, this post is meant to be a brief field guide to fucking your professor, I suppose. Now, first things first, and not for nothing, it ain’t the best idea in the world. There’s a strange power dynamic at play, and both of you could get fucked, in a less pleasant way than your coitus, if discovered. But I digress, as I’m not one for warnings…

First off, do you want to bone your professor because he/she is physically hot, or another reason? Is your professor male or female? With regards to the latter question, I suppose that I can only speak with regards to pursuing a male professor. What are your initial steps? Well, first of all, and again not for nothing, look for a wedding band. If there isn’t one, you’re in better shape than if there is. Now I’m not saying that professors don’t cheat on their spouses, what I’m saying is that you’re more likely to offend a married professor, than a non-married one, with the latter in fact being far more likely to be at least somewhat receptive/flattered/ambivalent with regards to your advances.

Step 1: Pay attention to what said professor or TA says when describing him or herself, personally and academically. Write these down if you have to.

Step 2: Show up at office hours – focus on the things that your professor likes, again both academically and personally. Do the same thing after class. If you seem to be annoying said professor/TA, knock it off. You’re not good to go; it isn’t going to work out. Bone someone in your own age group.

Step 3: Flirt, in a very mild manner, with the prof at the next available juncture. I would suggest wearing a professional yet somewhat revealing outfit in this regard. I remember, once, early in my career, a student pulled a Sharon Stone from Basic Instinct on me, during an exam. I didn’t dig it. So don’t flirt outrageously. Flirt discreetly. If you’re received positively, keep at it. If the prof looks at you and says “WTF Mate,” or something like that, back off.

Step 4: Assuming initial flirtation has been successful, attempt to schedule a meeting, pertaining to something academic, outside of office hours. If you’re really ballsy, try to set up this meeting in a café near campus (no bars, that’s pushing it). Lay on the flirtation at this point. If at any point awkwardness ensues, cease immediately and get back to academic business.

Step 5: If step 4 was successful, you’re in (in all likelihood). Try friending your prof on Facebook, or whatever. If he’s not on it, try asking him if he wants to grab a coffee. Move from a coffee to a drink. Move from a drink, to the bedroom.

The key, across all of these steps, is to stop if things get awkward. DO NOT PUSH IT. If you do, you risk ruining your reputation on with said prof. Sleeping with your prof is a slow and painstaking process that requires a methodologically-savvy and empirical approach. Don’t push things; it isn’t worth it. Two final notes… You’re better off doing the actual boning once the semester is over… Also, you’re much more likely to succeed in sleeping with a TA than a full professor, although I do know one guy who used to bang at least two undergrads in each of his classes… He’s an awesome dude too… As for me, I don’t kiss and tell – I ain’t that guy though.

Students of the world,

It’s a New Year; the Mayans were wrong on 2012 and we’re still partying hardy; Kim Jong-Il is dead and an equally creepy dude is running the PRK; and Unemployed Professors is gearing up for the long haul of college during Winter. With this, we not only anticipate but empathize with your continued need for our brilliant eggheads’ work. We’re happy to announce that Unemployed Professors now has a stable of over thirty active professors whose specialties run the gamut from Anthropology to Zoology. Okay, we don’t really have a Zoologist but we do have a Professor with a PhD in Women’s Studies – so let’s just call it A to W.

What’s the upside of this for you? More professors working for us means more professors bidding on your projects. This means that you will be able to get even better deals on your papers and other tedious assignments in this New Year. Put another way, our guns are still for hire and we’re more than happy to be your academic mercenaries as you alternate between papering and partying. We’ve also come to an agreement with our professors whereby any project posted during the month of January, that has at least a seven day completion timeframe, will receive a 10% discount on the bid that you choose. Ergo, submit your papers early and you’ll save some scratch. That’s beer money in your pocket.

So, we hope to see you soon and we’re wishing you a Happy New Year from the entire Unemployed Professors Team.

The end of the holiday break means the start of a new semester, which means that those term papers, essays, midterms and other bits of academic nonsense are going to start piling up faster than you know it.

I’ve been at the university scene before and I know what it’s like: sometimes trying to balance school with work with play can be one heck of a hassle. Wouldn’t it be nice if those papers could just disappear and you wouldn’t have to worry about bailing on your best friend’s party?

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The concept behind unemployed professors is simple: I’m sure you’ve met, or at least heard of, more than a few academics who made it through the system and earned themselves a master’s degree in such and such or a PhD in so and so and haven’t been able to find work. Well, rather than letting those degrees rot on the shelves, we’ve decided to gather up as many of these local academics as we could find and get them to start using their degrees.

Of course, I’m sure you’ve heard it all before, what with the dozens of other websites out there offering similar services. The difference though, is that we really are who we say we are. The problem with a lot of sites is that they outsource their work to India, or other parts of the world where getting a degree isn’t quite as stringent as it is here. They talk big, and sound professional, but when it comes down to getting the work done, you suddenly realize that you’ve produced better papers back in high school than those clowns do.

Here at Unemployed Professors, we are unabashedly local, based here in Montreal. This means that every project we take on is being written and researched by people that graduated from the same colleges and universities that you’re currently attending and probably even took some of the same classes with the same teachers. They know that the workload is tough and time consuming, they know about deadlines and proper citations and this means that they also know all the ins and outs of the system.

Getting started is simple. Sign up and register an account with us, then post a project of yours along with the due date and other details. Our professors will look it over, find out who has the know-how to complete it, and start replying to you. Because we believe in democracy here in Canada, we’ve set things up so that multiple professors who have the right expertise under their belt can bid on the same project. That means the next time you sign in to view your project status, you might have four of five different professors offering different approaches and different prices for the work. A little competition can be a good thing, this way you can tailor your paper the way you want and pick the right professor for the job.

Also, another thing that separates us from those other sites is that we don’t consider title pages, footnotes, proper formatting and a bibliography as “extras”. If your university considers those standard features, then so do we. It’s that simple: we’re not here to jerk you around or try to cut back on our workload. We want to write you the papers you need to succeed so that you’ll keep coming back. No bullshit and no academic jargon; just genuine work.

So what are you waiting for? Those papers won’t write themselves until you sign up with the Unemployed Professors

UnemployedProfessors.com Provides Custom Academic Ghostwriting Solutions

Unemployed Professors is pleased to announce the beginning of its North American operations. UnemployedProfessors.com serves as a secure and reliable platform whereby students in need of aid to in completing their academic assignments, at any level, can outsource their coursework to a freelance professional writer. Currently holding a stable of more than fifteen freelance writers, all with graduate degrees, and many with post-secondary teaching experience in their field of expertise, UnemployedProfessors.com is currently leading an industry wide paradigm shift in the academic ghostwriting industry.

Anyone desiring to commission one of the authors’ services can log on to the site, post a description of their project, and within hours receive bids from multiple interested, willing, and able freelance authors. Because all of the firm’s writers are screened on the basis of their educational achievements, its writers are capable of handling any and all academic assignments ranging from the simple and basic freshman essay, to complex statistical homework, all the way to dissertation chapters. With this then, UnemployedProfessors.com offers a customized, safe, reliable, and plagiarism-free service for those willing to pay to have their coursework completed. Simply put, UnemployedProfessors.com serves to let you play, while they make your papers go away.